


Inane

by Moonrose001



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Crossdressing, I just wanted to see Steve in spangly America tangas, M/M, Pole Dancing, Pre-Slash, SHIELD made them do it, idek
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-27
Updated: 2013-08-27
Packaged: 2017-12-24 21:08:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,258
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/944675
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moonrose001/pseuds/Moonrose001
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“We should never tell this to anybody, deal?” Tony asks when they’re in the penthouse elevator.<br/>“Deal. Where would the world be if they found out Steve’s the manifest of Adonis the Drag Queen?”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Inane

“Uhm.”

There’s a very silent moment. Fury’s plan had obviously been that if he mentioned _America_ and _For Your Country_ enough times, Steve would slide over real easily. But Steve still surprises with his brain, and he frowns at Fury, clearly seeing what this is. As his face becomes more and more conflicted, it also starts blushing.

“Come on Cap, you’ve done more difficult things,” Natasha cheers encouragingly, the only one who seems relaxed about the job, and pats his back. Steve looks so innocent and blue-eyed against her red, experienced sharp beauty.

“I haven’t,” Steve gulps, going pale as he recalls scenarios. “I really, really haven’t. I don’t understand. Don’t you have other, erh, male agents trained for this?”

“You’re our best option. None of my men would be able to make it out,” Fury says. Steve’s face goes hard and Tony witnesses the moment the super soldier’s mind clicks, and his patriotism wins the battle. Steve has chosen not to live in the Tower, but still shows up frequently to ask them to do something noble and suicidal with him. Besides Sam and Natasha, Tony is most accustomed to this, and Steve hasn't ever seemed afraid.

And still, right now Steve looks like he harbors more resignation to his demise than when he was breaking into Namor's palace, miles underwater, on a limited supply of air and completely surrounded by people as free moving in the water as seals. 

“Of course, Sir,” Steve nods, none of the earlier embarrassment apparent on his face.

Steve is a soldier.

\----

Tony desperately tries to spy on Steve and Natasha’s training, but in the end Barton has better luck. He sneaks in through the vents, and as Tony can hear Natasha laugh and Steve groan from within the gym, he just gets more curious. One time, long time ago, Tony could have easily spied on them through the security cameras, but then he had ~~been forced~~ decided to be a considerate dick, and he had ended up giving JARVIS privacy protocols.

Tony very much regrets that, as Clint wriggles out of the vents, giggling with tears in his eyes and flushed cheeks.

“What?” Tony asks, immediately on to him. Barton brushes the evidence of dust and dirt of his clothes. _“What?_ ” Tony repeats, but Barton just keep laughing with his hands on his knees, laugh lines framing his eyes.

From the couch Thor smiles in their direction. He is watching some sitcom and is doing a poor job of looking like he is not listening to their conversation. 

“Thor, friend, shield brother, comrade,” Tony quips, eyeing the god’s magical hammer. “I know you can do it, _pleeease_ –“

“I’m afraid Steven’s dancing classes are not for you to witness,” Thor grins.

“You let Barton do it!”

“Suck it, Stark!” Clint howls.

\----

After some time Steve stops being so embarrassed about it, which totally takes the fun out of teasing him. 

“It was embarrassing until I found out how hard it was,” he explains with lifted brows.

“Credit to male strippers then,” Tony can’t resist replying and when Steve’s face starts closing off again, Tony quickly adds: “Honest, I mean it. I’ve been on more gay strip clubs than you know. I mean, all that stretching and exercise? So exhausting. I love being rich.”

Steve breaks into a smile, because he's easy like that. “Wait, why have you been to gay strip clubs?” he asks then seems to realize the answer himself and his face abruptly turns careful. “Because you know I would respect the reason,” he adds cautiously.

“Relax Cap, I know how much you’re into LGBT rights, I’m not hiding my gay or praying it away, for that matter,” Tony laughs and pats Steve, while something inside of him kinda shakes with relief. “I’ve done some experimenting when I was in MIT and I’ve been to celebrations with friends on strip bars. There's nothing like a birthday in the red light district. Oh, and there might have been a business meeting or two where male Brazilian dancers might have been featured.”

Tony actually expects for Steve to frown, but he’s Captain America and despite being from an older time, nothing really seems to creep him out. Figures, his arch enemy is a red skulled Nazi; Killian surely can't surpass that, even with his fire breathing. Tony’s enemies are in general as rich and into technology as him, they want that money and power. Where as Steve has fought people who'd gas you, because of the god you believed in. Of course nothing surprises Steve anymore. Nothing gets more stupid than that.

“We hired them,” Tony grins when Steve looks expectantly of him. “It was just background noise, while we were drawing up a contract for something green with Uganda - it was like, two weeks after they had legalized that homosexuality carried death penalty? So. Strippers. 'Cause that's how we do in 'murica.” Pepper is still mad about that.

“It was your idea?”

“What? No.”

“You just said Pepper was still mad about it.”

“Fine, my idea, whatever. It worked, it provoked them." 

Steve nods sympathetically. "Sure it did. Besides, if it had been up to Pepper, it might have actually helped and made a difference."

Tony throws a pillow at him. 

\----

Tony doesn’t know what he did in his past life to fall into Clint’s mercifulness and get smuggled into the strip club Steve is working undercover in, but Tony is going to make him _all the explosive arrows he wants_. For now, Tony makes way and pushes past people, his eyes hidden behind sunglasses. He takes them off and folds them as soon as Clint gets them to a table, which has a decent view of the stage. Three male strippers are up there, tanned and glittery, with black feather eyelashes, pink lingerie and doll faces. It's insane to see this skill every time, because they make it look like the poles are not, in fact, a stiff, smooth vertical sticks, but something that are actually helping their body in doing those crazy slick maneuvers. Maybe it's magic. Maybe pole-dancing is actually a secret art of witch craft. Tony reminds himself to take this up with Strange.

Clint drinks and watches the stage with half interest, while Tony sneak peeks at the mixed crowd around him. These people could be office workers in Stark Industries or art guides in history museums, that's how annoyingly plain they come off. It's Tony's first time at a middle class strip bar, and it only leaves him wondering if this is something Fred from Statistics from would do. 

The music fades and the strippers on stage collect their money, before gigglingly leaving the scene. The music changes into a more drumming remix of beats and bass and the lights turn blue and red. The crowd cheers. Clint lowers his beer and leans forward, his eyes clinging to the scene.

The music once again changes into a hectic, more violent rhythm (porn music) and _someone,_ looking suspiciously a lot like Steve, dashes out in blue stilettos, which look like their might break underneath the weight at any second and a blue spangled tanga, which leaves so little to the imagination, that _someone_ has had to draw the red stripes on his right hipbone with lipstick and arrange white rhinstones shaped like stars on his left femoral neck and where the trail of pubic hair should have been. His eyes are cutting with miles-long black lashes and the black glitter is shaped to make his eyes look more feline. His eyebrows are drawn up, and his red lips look a lot bigger than Tony remembers.

It's not only the makeup; something about Steve's demeanor and expression has become unbelievably fierce, and he grabs the pole like it's _his_ , or something he's going to tame very soon, and throws himself around it like it's a challenge.

It's not the flirtatious interaction with the pole like the other strippers had, no, Steve clenches it with his thighs and pulls himself up to the high end of it, spreads his legs and swings around it in sync with the beat. He circles the pole faster and faster, spreads out his legs and as the music erupts in a climax of dubstep, his whole body relaxes and he changes his movements from the bullfighting-like tension into a relaxed, more elegant dance, like the pole has chosen to submit and is finally complying with his acts.

It makes him swing around the pole in triumphant euphoria and suddenly he's upside down and in profile, writhing his hips against the metal and the money throwing is almost annoying, because it's _blocking the view of Steve humping the pole, goddamnit_. 

Finally Steve pays the crowd some attention, by turning his front on them and staying still, which means there's full visibility and his crotch is where his head would be, the shape of his cock is visible through the thin clothe of the tanga, his pink nipples are perky and almost swollen looking in his broad, sculpted torso. And Steve himself is smiling coyly at them, his blond locks hanging down from his face.

Barton has crossed his legs, and Tony also finds himself inappropriately aroused. Steve's muscles flex at every movement and the white glitter on his skin throws back the light in a surreal way. The blond Avenger carries on making love to the pole in the most blood-boiling way, at one point actually spreading his legs directly at the crowd, baring the hairless, sensitive skin on his inner thighs, before smiling and turning, biting his lower lip at them and shyly curling his body into itself, eyes shiny and wet while his cheeks are blushing.

He looks hot and bothered. The crowd has understandably grown louder, and he slows and lays down on the cold scene floor, his chest visibly breathing hard while his thighs are still encasing the sweaty metal. He rises again, leisurely, like he's sore in places only one activity could leave him sore. He rolls his spine once and his back muscles moves with it tenderly, before his feet pulls him up on the pole again until he's quite literally climbing it like a tree. He twirls and bounces, and moves like he's dizzy for a second. He steps away from the pole, puts distance in between his feet and keeps his legs stretched, before gripping the pole with both hands and sliding his upper body down.

A twist and then suddenly they're presented with his round ass. He displays it, gives the audience a full view of its perfection, while looking over his shoulder, his expression kinda excited and a little unsure, which only makes this more endearing. He stands up again and sways, using the pole as support while grinning. If Tony didn't know better, Steve would have looked quite tipsy right now.

He jumps unto the pole again but keeps his body straightened out this time, and is only holding the pole with his knees and ankles. He looks sweaty and ecstatic like this, a cowboy basking in the excitement of danger, and his smile turns into a full-out dazzling grin, Steve's most charming war bond expression.

Too soon the music stops and Steve gathers the money before leaving the stage, going on to his _actual_ assignment. Tony is literally dragged out by Clint, and there rests an uneasy silence between them as Happy drives them back to the Tower.

“We should never tell this to anybody, deal?” Tony asks when they’re in the penthouse elevator.

“Deal. Where would the world be if they found out Steve’s the manifest of Adonis the Drag Queen?” Clint looks scandalized. Maybe he had caught on to some of Phil's Captain America idolization. 

Tony nods. The elevator doors open, and they are confronted with Natasha’s scowl.

Bruce is very pointedly staring his feet down behind her, and Thor stands beside him in civilian clothing, looking very fascinated with his hammer.

“I can’t believe all of you went to spy on Steve,” she chastises, though she does look like that is exactly what she expected. “When he specifically said that he didn’t want that.”

“Thor dragged me,” Bruce cries out.

“But you stayed, didn’t you?” she snaps. There had been a time, when Natasha had been careful around the super humans around her. It seems so awfully long ago.

The embarrassed silence gets interrupted by the sound of the Quinjet landing on the platform. Perfect. Steve had probably caught a ride back with Hill. Natasha glares in them in warning and soon Steve lets himself into the penthouse, his face cleansed of all traces of makeup, but his skin still sparkling a little.

He startles when he sees them, makes movement to move on, when his brows suddenly jump and his face goes red. “You,” he chokes.

“Thor forced me along,” Bruce mumbles.

“Shut it!” Steve snaps in his most intimidating Captain America voice, and Tony’s dick jerks involuntary. Stripper Steve is nice and Tony doesn’t care how much it will cost him, he _will_ get his hands on those tangas. But despite that, nothing is alike the sexiness of Captain America, the tightness of blue leather on his body, those azure eyes staring disapprovingly at you, judging you, and of course, there's him, barking orders at you and your body naturally doing as its told. It's exciting in battle. Tony can't imagine how much more it will be in bed. 

And that’s when Tony knows.

 

**Author's Note:**

> So this is one of my (many) theories on how Tony falls in love with Steve. Hope you enjoyed it and thanks for reading!


End file.
